feel safe again

feel safe againDon’t underestimate the value of safety. Everyone hits those moments in life where you find it difficult to say the words, “I feel safe.” Oddly enough it can be due to a specific instance in time, such as walking alone at night down the wrong street, or an on-going unsettled feeling you may have in your job or relationship security. When we feel safe we are able to relax and enjoy life more fully.

After a devastating divorce, I was absolutely surprised about my reaction during a trauma therapy session using EMDR when I was asked to repeat the statement, “I feel safe.” I actually couldn’t even say the words without bursting into tears. I had never considered myself not safe. This left me feeling weak, defeated and vulnerable. May seem like not a good place to be, but in reality it gave me a starting point to find a way to feel safe again.

Safety is a big word that incorporates all aspects of self–from emotional and spiritual to physical and mental. It also encompasses those around us we care about. What affects them ties to us. Furthermore, the word itself is synonymous with well being. Meaning, feeling secure is fundamental to your overall well being. When any aspect of your safety is threatened the fabric of your life alters; your actions change, your thoughts twist, and your may heart race or skip a beat.

Each of us possesses the ability transcend insecurity and welcome in a sense of peace. To do this we begin by recognizing the importance of feeling safe and its role in our daily well being, as well as make changing our situation an active ingredient in our life journey. Now all you need is a road map.

Your 7 Tenets to Feel Safe Again

  1. Simplify. Declutter your space and your calendar.
  2. Let go of what you can’t control. Focus on what you can.
  3. Be in the moment. Worrying is a waste.
  4. Find compassion… in the situation, in others and in yourself.
  5. Create a moment and a place to feel safe. Open up to the peace and recharge.
  6. Involve your tribe. Build a safety net surrounding yourself with people you can trust.
  7. Take action. Identify the problem and implement a solution.
  • How to take action to feel safe:

    • Identify the primary areas of your life that are most important to feel safe in.
      ex. My girls going into high school.
    • Rate your current level of security in each area. 1-10 scale (1 being unsafe and 10 = safe)
      ex. Rate my insecurities of my girls going into high school at a 6.
    • List out how you feel unsafe in each area.
      ex. Nervous about drugs, rape, grades, college preparedness, friendships, sports.
    • Decide what actions you are going to take around each of your concerns.
      ex. Drugs: educate girls, make sure communication lines are open, connect with friends parents, watch their social media, understand warning signs.

What I found by running this process is that I wasn’t sitting back letting my fears hinder my level of safety. I felt better overall knowing I had taken action and had a higher vantage point around what was threatening my safety. That alone made me feel a whole lot safer, and I found comfort in knowing I was better off which translated directly to my well being. My hopes are that this will do the same for you and those you love. For all of you to be able to say “I feel safe” without any hesitation would truly be a gift.



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