When science struggles with defining emotions, there isn’t any big surprise we can’t nail down our feelings either. What’s hard is that emotions not only happen to us, they also are what help us communicate and connect with others.
There are 42 muscles in the face to express those emotions, and over 600 words to describe them. Both are inadequate, because these can be interpreted differently by each person.
Let’s look at emotions as colors. This chart represents, ironically, 42 shades of red. Your eyes, your screen resolution, and your learnings all bias what you determine is scarlet versus ruby. Even your past experiences color your interpretations. The color red may signify anger or love for you, or maybe it makes you think of Christmas.
When you look at a color you can’t assume everyone else is seeing what you are seeing, just like you can’t presume that what you feel is the same as someone else. There is no way to objectively discern another person’s emotions because not only are we not them (with all their unique complexities) we are also completely us (with our own chemical make up, predispositions, preferences, attitudes, and values.)
It is not only irresponsible to tell someone else how they feel, it is equally irresponsible to state your own feelings without taking the time to tune into them.
Which none of us can do without first defining the subject.
What are emotions? They are our response to our evaluation of external or internal stimulus in a way that is relevant to our own major concerns. A mouth full, I know. The key point here is focusing in on the part that states, “to our own major concerns.” My concerns, or what I value, is different than yours. What I feel is my own. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have any emotional ties to the stimulus.
Our emotions lie strictly within the domain of the individual. Therefore, it is your individual responsibility to own your emotional experience and no way own anyone else’s. Your emotional consciousness around what brings you happiness is an important part of your journey to wellbeing. By learning what contributes to a positive state of wellbeing, you can nurture and sustain better emotional health, which in turn feeds your wellbeing.
Label your Emotions
A great way to gain some perspective around your emotions is to label them. The moment you label you ignite your thinking side instead of being in reactive mode. Labeling helps form space to be objective. Don’t look at these as labeling your emotions good or bad; that isn’t useful.
The featured image at the top of the post is a great tool to help you along, it may seem elementary but when it comes to emotions a bit of grounding is exactly what you need.
We don’t want to eliminate emotions. Without emotions the world lacks color. We want to connect with them consciously. That way we are able to distinguish between what is good or bad for us within our full range of emotions. Only then can we learn to evoke a stream of positive emotions to promote lasting wellbeing. Now that’s a wonderful life to live.
Useful Emotional Resources:
- Why Labeling Emotions Matters | Psychology Today
- Hard Feelings: Sciences struggle to define emotions | The Atlantic
- Test your Emotional Intelligence | Greater Good
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