Work on Relationship with Self First

What’s shocking to me is how many people bog themselves down with worries about relationships with others. Although important, worthwhile connections can’t be achieved without presenting the authentic YOU. Why? Because they don’t know who exactly they are forming a relationship with. This is the foundation to where meaningful kinship begins. Don’t continue to neglect the valuable work needed to nurture your relationship with self first.

According to experts, there are a wide range of reasons relationships fall short from trust issues to misaligned goals. Let’s stop right there to reflect on how not having trust in ourselves or our goals sketched out might get us off on the wrong foot when trying to create a strong bond with someone else.

Got it? Okay next.

Now, take another minute to think about the amount of time you spend interacting with others via text, social media, calls, gatherings and one-on-one. Let’s just look at social media where we spend 1 hr 15 min per day on average. This may or may not seem like much but at the end of your lifetime that’s about 5 years and 4 months poof! gone.

So I have a challenge–humor me a moment–how about you block off 1.5 hours each week to instead focus your precious time on building a healthy and solid relationship with self? This will go much further, than texting or tweeting away, to benefit your attempts at establishing stronger connections with others.

Here are some suggestions on how to start work on your relationship with YOU.

STEP 1… Make a list of everything you are grateful for in big and small.

STEP 2… Think about your best qualities and your gifts, then plan out how you’re going to expand on these and share them widely.

STEp 3… Continuously set up your surroundings in a way that pleases you and feeds your soul from people and objects to space and activities.

Further and fine tune this effort to ‘find yourself’ by looking at your overall wellbeing within your four quadrants of self: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. Within these buckets are mini wellbeing practices to help you flourish during your journey to create a relationship with self.

   Emotional Self

Practice positive self talk. Being critical of yourself just weighs you down. Shoulders crumpled. Don’t be the primary contributor to your poor self image. Never beat yourself up when you make a mistake. This is how we learn and get better. Besides, no one is perfect. Let go of what doesn’t serve you well.

Know that your best fluctuates. Giving 100% isn’t always possible and that’s okay. There are moments when putting forth 75% is all you have, which is more than good enough. You need to be able to save some fuel in your reserves in order have resilience for whatever life happens to throw your way.

Determine your boundaries. Figuring out what is and isn’t ‘healthy’ for you is critical. Your intuition sings out to you each day telling you what benefits you and what drains you. Boundaries help root us so that we are not easily manipulated or thrown off by people or unforeseen events. You may feel uncomfortable at first standing tall in your boundaries but not only will you build better self-esteem people will also respect you more.

   Mental Self

Learn anything. When you are learning you are motivating your growth of self. Progress, even in small ways, brings a level of confidence that is contagious. Read an article, chat with an individual you respect, or pull up a video on how to make those bracelets you like. Never stop your growth mindset from, well, growing.

Give from where you thrive. Pay attention to which quadrants your glass is half full. Because you have ‘more than’ in this area it’s the perfect time to plan out how that day you are going to give from there to help others. Sharing makes us happy. Use your brainpower to determine how to give purely, without attachment, to our tribe and beyond.

Get creative juices flowing. Art, music, and activity ignite the mind in ways unfathomable. You don’t have to be Salvador Dali when putting paint to canvas. Just turn on your favorite song and have some fun. By allowing yourself to soar in your creative state you open up new aspects of self.

   Physical Self

Stike a pose. Oh you know I can’t resist! Yoga can be done anywhere and anytime as a single stance or a flow of movement. There just isn’t a good excuse for not incorporating this proven form of exercise into your life. The benefits of yoga stretch far and wide. Try out the Downward Dog app to get you going.

Set those Doc appointments. This year I made a point of making all those pesky physician consults I’d been putting off for far too long. It may be painful to fit them in but if your meat wagon isn’t working properly then you won’t get very far. This is self care 101 people.

Make an appearance. Looking good feels like a million dollars. Put on outfits that make glow. Keep that hygiene up. Smile wide. Smiles brighten your day.

Spiritual Self

Rebalance yourself. Imagine if you each of your quadrants of self was full and healthy? Your spirits would fly. Which is why it is paramount to employ a daily wellbeing practice that helps you determine not only how you are doing emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually but also puts you to task on doing the actions to fill any depleted areas.

Do what you love! You know what lights that spark. You know what you’d like to do with your time (make sure it’s the good for you stuff). Well make time for it. Really! Pay attention to the overall benefit it provides to your energy levels. This makes a real difference in your quality of life. By stoking your internal fires, people will be drawn to you naturally like a moth to a flame… because people are attracted to happy people.

Celebrate the small stuff. Stopping to celebrate regularly brings oodles of joy. Like, “Wahoo you read an article on how to work on your relationship with self first!” or “Sweet we had a home cooked family dinner this week!” or “You did not react to that disruptive individual at work today!” “Yeah YOU!”

At the end of the day, ask yourself why would anyone have a good relationship with you if you don’t even have a good relationship with yourself? You matter! So take the time to put your ‘self’ in the equation daily. Start small. Make it a habit. And, celebrate every step of the way!